The Blueprint | Who You Think You Are.

Who do you think you are?

How do you feel when you don’t accomplish the goal or get denied to attempt “The Feat”?

What feelings are created when you cannot have what you want, or better yet, when someone else gets what you desire most?

Why do you even care in the first place about anything that happens or not in your life?

In simple terms, when your life plays out the way you hope it will, you feel positive emotions because your life matches what you believe it should look like. When your life fails to meet your internal image of what it should be, you create negative emotions because what you want doesn’t match reality. You go through your life with a subconscious “Should” that directs what you avoid and seek. You have an image of what you think your life should look like, and how your life matches that image determines the emotions you feel. The moments cause turmoil because deep in your subconscious, your mind says, “My life should…”.

Having a “Should” means that somewhere in your mind, you cling to the idea that the world is supposed to work the way you want “just because.”

Your brain seeks to mold the world to who you believe you are, but how do you even determine who that is?

Fear and control

Most of us determine who we are after years of constant input from parents and the world around us. We are given goals and metrics as kids that we believe determine our value, and these metrics serve as our first draft for our life blueprint. The Blueprint is your internal map that defines who you think you are or should be. As we grow out of adolescence, we have already built a detailed map of what we should be, and this subconsciously runs in the background of all decisions. Our beliefs, values, and perspectives are all expressions of the internal blueprint at work in the background of our lives. When a belief is challenged, most people get defensive because their internal map is based on opposing beliefs; a challenge of those beliefs tells our internal world, “Who you are is wrong.” At one point in human history, being wrong meant you could be risking the death of yourself or your entire tribe; our brains have not evolved out of that logic.

“To be wrong is to be in danger! So you must protect yourself!”- The Lizard Brain.

We are emotional beings before anything else, so when our blueprint doesn’t match our lives, we fall out of harmony into dissonance. Negative emotions are directly connected to a blueprint that doesn’t match the life assigned to them. We need our blueprints to match our lives because if they don’t, we fail to be who we “Should” be.

Examples of a Blueprint

#1

• I should be making 100K a year and driving a fancy car.

• I should be good at Insert skill

• They should like me

• I should be in perfect health.

#2

• I shouldn’t be loved.

• I’m not good enough

• I should be punished.

Why “Should” you have these things in your life?

Our blueprints are often based on the stories that were told to us as we developed. As we age, those blueprints are enhanced to include new stories based on experiences. We shape our blueprints to match the stories we’ve consistently told ourselves about who we are and should be. Allowing your blueprint to be naturally developed by your environment and experiences is a recipe for pain.

We cannot control the world around us, and life will often conflict with the blueprint. Attempting to beat life by trying to match every part of your blueprint will exhaust you and cause dissonance. If you believe you should have a certain lifestyle at some point, that image will fail to meet your expectations. If you believe you aren’t worthy of love, someone will come along and love you despite what you think you deserve. Your blueprint will be challenged, and you will find yourself unable to accept the changes in lifestyle or run away from the light you deeply desire. So, are we supposed to just live with our blueprints, fearing the days they fail?

If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree. – Jim Rohn

Instead of trying to match your life to your blueprint, change your blueprint! We can consciously reshape, cut out, and design our blueprints for the uncertain world around us. Life will never go according to plan, so plan for it. Develop Cushion into your life so that you can adjust your blueprint to the events around you as they happen. You will not feel like your life is out of place if you give up on the ideas of “what should be happening.”

You are not in control over life!

Trying to control life is a silly attempt to fight an ocean’s current when you can focus on reinforcing your boat to sail with the seas.

Ways to change your blueprint:

Identify the dissonant

The first step to any change is always figuring out what we need to change.

You must first identify what part of your blueprint is not in line with reality.

This could be your financial situation, relationships, physical appearance, or attitude. Once you know what is not aligned, you can begin to reshape your blueprint.

When reshaping our blueprint, it is crucial that we remember that we should only be reshaping our blueprint to benefit us; if we are shaping our blueprint in negative ways, we are only causing more pain for ourselves. For example, It doesn’t benefit you to reshape your blueprint around the idea that you’re undesirable because a friend or potential relationship didn’t work.

Reframe

The easiest way to change your blueprint is to reframe what the events mean. We have powerful storytelling minds that assign our own personal meanings to just about anything. Instead of playing out the dissonant story, reframe the story to fit a beneficial narrative. “This horrible event is an opportunity.”

It may not always seem possible in the moment, but we can always re-contextualize the world around us to align with overall benefit and growth. Remember that life is about the experiences, all of them.

Let go

Sometimes, we need to let go of the manufactured images of ourselves to move forward and enjoy life. Holding on too tightly to what we think we “should be” prevents us from being who we could be. Yeah, that person you were trying to be seemed pretty cool, but they pail compared to who you could be if you let them go and moved forward.

Life is not in our control. Let go of expectation. There are no mistakes in life, only lessons to be learned and experiences to be had.

Accept

As we reframe the world around us and let go, we become more comfortable with accepting life as it is. Accept that your blueprint will never match the real world and stop using it as a perfect model. Your blueprint is a guide, not an instruction manual. You determine what each moment and event means to your life. Let go of the need to be exactly like the stories in your head and accept the beauty of life right in front of you.

There is so much beauty in front of your eyes and even more waiting for you to discover.