In Search Of Connection.
Searching
As I’ve taken up diving into myself as a hobby, I have learned that one of my deepest desires is to feel seen. Maybe this is a common feeling, and I’m just normal. I don’t wish to be seen by everyone or noticed and admired. I am okay with not being included in the crowd and doing my own thing. Surface-level to semi-deep relationships are not the type of recognition that I am seeking. Instead, I think I am looking for a deep connection. I used to have this idealized picture of a deep connection—someone who just gets me. I wouldn’t have to explain my feelings because they would just understand. It would be more of a recognition with that person rather than a meeting. They would just know all the depths of me because they, too, were the “same.” This ideal person would often manifest in my mind as a potential partner who would become the avatar for this idea. For quite some time, I was patiently waiting to stumble into this right person, preparing myself to be the best version I could be. Still, I found no one.
What I’ve Found
Not a single person could even come close to understanding me on a surface level, let alone a deep level. I made some amazing friends along the way who definitely were able to go deep, but I still felt cut off. Being seen on a level where the other person just “knows” you isn’t impossible, but it will most likely not happen randomly. We all have the ability to be seen deeply, but we must first open ourselves up to be seen. So much of emotional growth circles back to being vulnerable. Vulnerability, in my opinion, is the hardest soft skill to learn. It may as well be taught formally (maybe one day I can get a bachelor’s in vulnerability). Vulnerability sometimes feels like such a contradiction because it requires patience and gentleness while also displaying unwavering strength and steadfastness. When I exercise my vulnerable muscles, I begin to see how people respond to me and open up.
By allowing myself to be seen deeply, I can actually be seen deeply. Who would have thought?
Being willing to genuinely listen and hear someone teaches them to do the same for you. After all, we are still children learning from our environment. For me, this is a struggle because it feels like I have to take the first step, and I have a constant narrative of always being the person who makes the leap first.
Alone In The Tribe
I have a good understanding of my core values and who I am as a person. I know exactly the kind of people I want to be around and experience life with. How could I not? I’m exposed to them constantly through my carefully curated slice of the algorithm. The algorithm can give us a sense of community and belonging as it curates the ideas and beliefs that resonate with us, surrounding us almost exclusively. It creates a digital comfort zone that improves over time.
My digital comfort zone includes people around my age who enjoy nature, active lifestyles, healing, spirituality, self-development, arts, and deep existential reflection. They all have growth mindsets and struggle with imposter syndrome to some degree. They accept differences and reject lazy ignorance of the internet. We have different music tastes, but I think we can all find a middle ground in various forms of indie music. We see the duality in some situations and don’t just write off aspects of the world as good or bad. We look for different perspectives to come to our own conclusions. We all love to create and are constantly inundated with new ideas. This is my tribe, and they all live on my phone.
Finding Connection
I know exactly what people I want to be around and that millions of them are in the world. Yet, when I go outside, it seems almost impossible that they could exist. I am utterly alone in the real world when it comes to connections with people like me. I constantly filter my topics of conversation because if I don’t, blank looks or uncomfortable silences will surely follow. I can’t tell if the universe is taunting me by showing what I could have but don’t or if I’m being called to action to leap into dramatic change.
I’d like to think it’s the latter. I am incredibly lucky to have been born in a modern society where I can easily see that I am not alone in my feelings and beliefs. I can clearly see there are people just like me out in the world, and my only obstacle is finding them. In the past, I could have spent my entire life feeling alone while surrounded and only experiencing the kind of confirmation I needed from a book or two. Still, they are out there, so there is hope to find people with whom to feel those connections. It’s important to remember that to be seen deeply; you must be willing to see others deeply as well, even if you may not connect with them specifically on the same interests. People are out in the world waiting to be found and find community; we just have to be a bit more willing to accept those connections when they present themselves.
