VULNERABILITY: The state of being exposed to potential harm.

• An ocean liner with a weak section in its haul is vulnerable to icebergs.

• An army with poor communication and leadership is vulnerable to coordinated attacks.

• A heart unobstructed is vulnerable to an unimaginable amount of anguish or fullness.

Vulnerability is often classified as a weakness because we are hardwired to avoid “potential harm” at all costs. As humans, that’s what got us to the point where we no longer have wild animals chomping at our heels. We have practiced over generations to survive and now those same skills keep us from opening up.

We have this man vs. self struggle bubbling to the surface whenever we leave our survival way of living and try to thrive.

To live a life where you can fully experience the wonder of life and find peace, you must engage with your emotions on some level. This idea is contradicted by our lizard brains. The primal Instinct wants to ensure we stay alive by identifying and organizing the threats and rewards. Our internal lizard overlords cannot tell the difference between the fear of a lion attacking or rejection. To our lizard brains, perceived emotional pain is the same as physical pain. So, our bodies and minds avoid vulnerability. Taking your walls down to allow danger is like playing with starving lions.

Vulnerability requires some level of internal conflict, but as with everything worth while it also requires a bit of elbow grease.

Avoiding Vulnerability?

Avoidance is a common theme around mine and probably most families. If you avoid the problem long enough, it’ll go away. I’ve gotten good at avoiding things, but the more I take inventory of the good and the bad in my life and the lives around me, it seems like avoiding the problems doesn’t make them disappear.(Who knew?) The problem with avoiding vulnerability is that we are handicapping our ability to live fully.

Cold World

Avoidance of vulnerability cuts us off from others and ourselves.

We’re walking through life blind as to why we make certain decisions or why “things” affect us, because we cannot check in on how we feel . We replace the vulnerable mind with that objective mind:

• Analytical

• Desensitized

• Blunt/direct

• Reduced spectrum of emotions

These traits can serve you in our current world because of how closed off we are to vulnerability. We’ve built a society that rewards the symptoms of its absence. We thrive off of those symptoms. Vulnerability is not an option, so we must make up for its absence in other ways

In reality we avoid vulnerability because of one single emotion; FEAR

The Cowardly Lion.

Imagine $100k could be deposited into your bank daily, and all you need to do is share your routing number. At first thought, you’d be like

“hell yeah, that’s free life-changing money”.

In reality, we are much more skeptical of “gifts”

That lizard in your head is always looking for danger, and “free” can easily be a Trojan horse for that danger. So, if you were indeed given that deal, your internal alarms would start to blare because what if you were robbed instead of gifted?

Our lizard brain views vulnerability the same way.

Giving out that routing number is “opening” yourself up to potential danger. Even if opening up could be potentially life-altering for us in the best way, we refuse it. We refuse the “money” ( a proxy for emotions) because our minds prioritizes the most prominent human emotion: Fear.

Fear, an emotion only second to love, continues to dominate humanity.

We know the truth.

No matter how many lies we tell ourselves.

The truth is always right in front of us.

Vulnerability is our nature.

We are vulnerable.

We just pretend and try to Doofenshmirtz our way to a false sense of security.

Brave Little Mouse.

As a child, I read a book about a small mouse inside of a castle who, despite his size (and species), managed to save the princess from the plots of evil rats. Throughout the book, Despereaux is in danger but continues his quest despite his inherent vulnerability. He knows he’s a mouse, and whether he takes action or not, he will always be a mouse. Small and fragile. Yet he still tries. Over and over again, even through failure, he tries.

Vulnerability begets Bravery …or Cowardice.

You cannot outrun danger (feelings or physical); you can only become brave enough to face it when it comes.

Ways you can express vulnerability:

Vulnerability is a skill.

We can practice to become better at utilizing it as a tool to help us move through life. If you’re newer to vulnerability like me, then you’re going to suck at it. It’s okay.

This is your journey.

You can take it at whatever pace you need, just put one foot after the other.

Vocalizing your emotions

Words are powerful. Giving your feelings names and identifying them is half the battle. Emotions demand to be acknowledged. So, giving them names starts the process of elimination. Think about it like a bunch of error codes are being displayed to you, and it’s distracting because you don’t know what they mean. Identifying the emotion at least gives you direction on how to start working with the feeling. “Feeling wheels” can also help to start the naming process.

You’re going to have to get honest. Beneath anger can be shame or embarrassment. Beneath sadness can be loneliness or abandonment. Emotions can have many layers; it’s not always “I feel sad,” that’s it.

Patience

You can slap patience on any list for anything, tbh. You need to practice it. Your emotions that are buried deep may not reveal themselves in 5 minutes. You won’t heal all of your subconscious trauma in a year. Building those walls against vulnerability took time, so it will take time to tear them down. Be Patient.

Gentleness

You cannot brute force your way to vulnerability. It takes a soft, gentle hand to guide your emotional life. Remember, we’re trying to be comfortable with perceived danger. If we force it, then we just get scared and retreat. Be forgiving to yourself and your mistakes.

You’re human, you fuck up. That’s part of the deal.

Speak to yourself with love. And if you’re like me and are too hard on yourself. Then, pretend you’re speaking to a small child who’s gone through a traumatic event.

Journaling

Writing can be a risk-free outlet to allow thoughts and feelings to pour out.

You don’t have to be a good writer or a decent speller. Just sit down, take the time to slow your mind, and spill thoughts. Start with a small notebook and fill in half a page whenever you have an intense emotion that day.

Voice Memos

If you’re in the middle of a feeling or have been in a rut, try personal venting. Grab your phone and start a voice memo. You can ask some starter questions as if you were a therapist and then let it rip. Just curse and scream all of your feelings into that memo. After you make a statement or get to a lull, simply play therapist and ask “why.”

Continue this as needed.

You don’t have to listen back to them. It’s more important to practice letting “things” live outside of you.

Soften your body

We fight our emotions with our bodies. When we try not to cry or become angry, the muscles in the body Tense.

We tense when we try to control all types of emotions. As if we are trying to trap them inside our bodies before they can move around and cause more havoc. The emotions need to flow.

Practicing checking in on your body when feeling emotions or just throughout the day. When you feel the tension, squeeze it as hard as you can, then release the muscle and, hopefully, release the feeling.

Accountability

Of course, if someone challenges you, you’ll get defensive wanting to make sure your perspective is heard (Even if you are in the wrong).

Of course, no one wants to be wrong, but being able to say sorry or take responsibility for your actions is a great practice to apply your vulnerability training to.

FYI: “Sorry” requires bravery 😉

Conclusion

Pick one of these ways to express vulnerability and apply the kaizen method. Practice one technique in the smallest possible way you can for a month. Then, record your progress and continue to increase your practice until you feel comfortable with that method. Then rinse and repeat.

It will take a long time, but life exists in the moments between the beginning and end; you’ll get there so chill.

Our feelings give us immense power once we learn to use them, not control them. The universe constantly sends you deep, beautiful energy; it’s time to stop refusing your deposits and open yourself up to feel.